Goodbye Internet

Today I did, well, nothing. Really. I spent most of the day in bed on my laptop. I had a bath. I made dinner, and I did dishes. I had a whole day to do anything I wanted and/or needed to do, and I opted instead to do absolutely nothing.

These are all the tabs I currently have opened. I am, starting tonight (like, right now), not going to open any others. I've closed my RSS feeder. I may end up closing my IM and IRC sessions.

Yes, that's right: I'm unplugging. At least for the weekend.

I've noticed before my lack of self control when it comes to the computer - I just have a really hard time closing the browser and getting to work. It seems like there's always a new blog or comic to read, or Reddit has some new information to share with the world that I might find interesting. I get caught up reading TVTropes and Wikipedia. I get stuck opening pictures of cute animals.

But none of these contribute to how I feel about myself (not positively, at least). I end up upset that I didn't do chores, or that I didn't write, and I start feeling an upset "doomspiral" take hold.

Today was less than successful. And my previous days were less than successful as well (although I got things done - I didn't get as much as I wanted to done, and I do think part of that is connected to spending time online). So, for the weekend (at least) I'm going to take a step back, let the internet do it's thing without me. Instead I'm going to focus on the things that I believe will improve my level of happy: I'm going to work on my writing, I'm going to read, I may even draw a little. I'm going to play with the rats, I'm going to get outside, I'm going to clean and organize some of my apartment (like the workroom - it would be nice to be in there without feeling that I must clean).

See you Monday.

Pits to Fall In

It has been 20 days since I started my happiness project. I've run in to a decent number of pitfalls in that time - more than I expected to run in to, and in some ways more than I was prepared for.

I found that my enthusiasm for my project waned quickly, and it has been difficult to stick to my goals. This isn't the first time I've felt this way about making changes to my life. I often talk about seeking for change or improvement - which, on an intellectual level, I do want and desire to strive for - but, to be completely honest, my natural disposition tends more toward stagnation and the status quo. Change is very difficult for me to accomplish - it always has been. I blame it on my inclination to remain the same, which I don't yet know how to overcome. Perhaps striving for personal improvement will always be a struggle for me.

I've also had a very difficult time working on what seem like relatively simple goals - a problem which has an overall discouraging affect on me. Even simply tracking my time or my progress on my goals has been a difficult task to consistantly follow through with. 20 days in and more than once I've wanted to throw my arms up in the air and give up.

I've started trying to make some changes to how I do this project, but most of them haven't helped much. I'll talk about those later.