For 2012 I Resolve ...

I've been thinking the last week or so what I wanted to work on this coming year. A new year means new challenges, new goals, and potentially a new start for me. So far, I don't have much that I really want to work on. There are the typical things - exercise more, watch what I eat, etc, the sorts of things that everyone resolves to do. And I do have those - I would like to get into much better shape, and to eat healthier. To be more healthy overall would be great and it is one of my goals for the year. But I don't really feel that I have any huge overarching goals this year.

Many of my goals/desires have to do with being a more creative person. I have the art project that I mentioned in my last post - My 365 Project. The goal of the project is to improve my artistic talent, as well as to have a constant source of output for my art. Although, it's two days in and I haven't yet started on any of the images (I am currently experiencing some computer complications that are making things slightly more difficult than anticipated, hopefully the issues will be resolved within a week or so).

I want to write.

I want to get my personal website up and running.

I hope to start on some of my long-running writing and comic projects, specifically Tankyuu, Tribe, Truth, and Kyoot!.

I would like to improve my sewing ability, probably by making tons of plushies and dresses. I would like to start selling handicrafts on the internet - potentially through Etsy or some similar service/website.

Other aspects of my life I would like to change are simplifying and living a more minimal lifestyle. Tene and I have discussed moving into a smaller apartment, and I think it would be a good change. I would like to be less of a consumer and more of a creator overall, and so I would like to get rid of our extra "stuff" - and get rid of the space we use to store that extra stuff.

I want to be a better "rat-mom."

I want to be a better friend, and I want to socialize more. I had started doing more near the end of last year, but then things went sideways and all my good intentions got ignored. I want to meet new people and do new things.

There are other things I want as well - again, I would like to be healthy and have a good life. I want to bike more, and I want to go outside and enjoy the outdoors more. I want to read. I want to keep a well-organized home. I want to figure out vermicomposting and have my little patio/balcony flower garden.

In short: I guess my goal for 2012 is: I want to live a better, fuller life by living more simply, more creatively, and more socially.

A New Year, Another Adventure

This blog and my happiness project sort of fell by the wayside in April, and I can't remember exactly why. Regardless, it is a new year and I want to try again.

I have some things planned for this year - goals and such that I want to try out. I'm thinking of doing another happiness project, although it would probably be done differently than it was last year - because obviously what I tried last year didn't end up working out for me. On the other hand, perhaps if I spent more time planning it would work out? I'm not sure.

I do plan to work on my art with what I've been referring to as my "365 project" (although because this year is a leap year it is my 366 project). Each day I'm going to get a prompt in my email through something that Tene set up for me. Then I draw that prompt, or a picture relating to it. A picture each day. I'm hoping to see a lot of improvement by the end, and I'll be posting most of the pictures (if not all of them) to my deviantArt account.

I'm also planning on working on my sewing (I've considered doing something crazy like a dress a week or something - but I think I'm going to stick to something more like a dress every month .... a bit more manageable), and crochet. I've really come to enjoy crocheting, and I like making things for my friends. Plus, crocheting gives me something to do with my hands when I watch shows with Tene, which is a relief.

I want to be more social this year, go to more things. I've been really missing some of my friends back in Utah, a lot, and it would be nice to fill some of that gap with new friends. Not that anything can replace my old friends, but ... well ... it would be nice to have people to socialize with and talk to.

There are others, but I can't think of them now. I'll post a full "Resolutions" list tomorrow or in the coming week.

Happy New Year, may 2012 be the best year yet.

My Little Happiness

I have an obsession with colors. I love them. Seeing bright colors as a regular thing keeps me, in a way, sane. And in my quest to become more organized, I realized I could incorporate this love of mine!

So,I went to Office Depot with the intent of finding ways to be more organized. I realized I wanted paper clips, magnets, push pins, etc - normal "office supplies" - and then I saw their assortment of brightly multi-colored things. I just about died. Seriously. And they sell these boxes - Really Useful Boxes, to be exact - that are just perfect for organization.

So now I have what I've been thinking of as my boxes of happiness and my shelves of happiness.

I have three types of pens - some really nice multicolored ones that I got a few years ago and fell in love with, some multicolored gel pens, and my typical go-to pen (all in black). I have more Sharpies than I know what to do with. I have lots of dry erase markers.

I have piles of sticky notes. I have office supplies in all colors of the rainbow!

Just glancing at my shelf makes me happy and giggly; partially because I know where everything is, and partially because it's just so darn colorful!

This was something so simple, but it's impacted me so much already. I wonder what else a little color and organization will improve in my life?

Happiness is: Books

http://www.penguin.co.uk/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780141040356,00.htmlNote: Images link to Anthropologie sales pages.

I've mentioned before my not-so-secret love affair with books. I've had it mostly under control for the last little while - since my last book-buying binge I've been very careful when I've gone into bookstores, and I've only bought anything with Tene's go-ahead. In the meantime my GoodReads list has grown to absurd lengths (I will take pictures of books that look interesting while I'm in a bookstore. Then when I get home I'll look up the title, and decide if it's something I might enjoy at some future time or not. If it is, I put it on the list, if it isn't, I simply forget about it) - but I haven't bought anything, and window shopping for books has been quite fun!

But then there's these, which I swear Anthropologie is selling just to taunt me.

Right now they're only offering five titles (although the Penguin website has all the others) - Wuthering Heights, Sense and Sensibility, Little Women, Pride and Prejudice, and The Sonnets and A Lover's Complaint (the image includes The Picture of Dorian Grey, but that isn't available through the Anthropologie website, while lacking The Sonnets and Little Women; I believe the image is out of date). They also have classic children's titles available - six of them - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Adventures of Robin Hood, Anne of Green Gables, The Wind in the Willows, The Secret Garden, and Peter Pan.

Now, I only have some interest in reading six of these titles - two of the classics (Sense and Sensibility and Little Women) and four of the children's classics (Robin Hood, Wind in the Willows, Secret Garden, and Peter Pan), because I haven't read those yet. But, I want to own all of the books - and the ones on Penguin's website that aren't for sale on Anthropologie. Because they're simply beautiful editions. I'll never read Wuthering Heights again - I hated it the first time, I'm sure I'd hate it again - but the binding and cover are simply to die for, for a bibliophile like me. They're simply lovely and I want to have them on my bookshelf.

I know all of this goes back to something very basic in me - I want to be the kind of person who I associate as owning a lot of books - and who I would associate with owning classic novels. Someone cultured and refined and all of that. It also feeds my desire to be surrounded by pretty things - even if they're not exactly useful pretty things. So far I've kept myself from buying any of these wonderful books - but I think about having them all on my shelf, looking so great next to each other ... and I have to say it's hard not to pull out my debit card and charge the lot of them.

Giving Up Something I Enjoy, For The Greater Good

I've recently realized that for me to be happy I need to eat well. Which means I'm going to have to give up something I enjoy.

I've been trying the Paleo diet - not rigidly, but I've been doing pretty well. I've largely cut wheat grain from my diet (and most other grains, although those were somewhat easier, the only one I've continued to eat with any sort of frequency is rice - and that I eat when I go out), and I had noted that my IBS symptoms had almost completely disappeared from my daily life.

Then this last week I bought a couple of boxes of pasta - Annie's Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese. It was pretty good, as far as macaroni and cheese goes, but oh how I regretted the decision afterwards.

Basically this comes down to one obvious conclusion: I have some form of intolerance wheat - which puts pasta (one of my former favorite foods) right out of the question for me. This also closes the door on some of the things that I have wanted to make habit - frequent baking, for example - and some things that I've viewed as ... not important, but special - pastries and cookies.

I think that I'll still continue to bake - especially since I like making things for other people much more than I enjoy making them for myself. I'm considering occasionally trying out gluten free baking as well - to see if I can have those once in a while and not have adverse results.

In the end, though, I guess I've known for a while now that food containing much grain isn't that great for me, and that a more primal diet would be the best. It's just taken me a long time to remember and really let that sink in.

Goodbye Internet

Today I did, well, nothing. Really. I spent most of the day in bed on my laptop. I had a bath. I made dinner, and I did dishes. I had a whole day to do anything I wanted and/or needed to do, and I opted instead to do absolutely nothing.

These are all the tabs I currently have opened. I am, starting tonight (like, right now), not going to open any others. I've closed my RSS feeder. I may end up closing my IM and IRC sessions.

Yes, that's right: I'm unplugging. At least for the weekend.

I've noticed before my lack of self control when it comes to the computer - I just have a really hard time closing the browser and getting to work. It seems like there's always a new blog or comic to read, or Reddit has some new information to share with the world that I might find interesting. I get caught up reading TVTropes and Wikipedia. I get stuck opening pictures of cute animals.

But none of these contribute to how I feel about myself (not positively, at least). I end up upset that I didn't do chores, or that I didn't write, and I start feeling an upset "doomspiral" take hold.

Today was less than successful. And my previous days were less than successful as well (although I got things done - I didn't get as much as I wanted to done, and I do think part of that is connected to spending time online). So, for the weekend (at least) I'm going to take a step back, let the internet do it's thing without me. Instead I'm going to focus on the things that I believe will improve my level of happy: I'm going to work on my writing, I'm going to read, I may even draw a little. I'm going to play with the rats, I'm going to get outside, I'm going to clean and organize some of my apartment (like the workroom - it would be nice to be in there without feeling that I must clean).

See you Monday.

I Should Feel Happy

I should be happy right now. I had a pretty successful day. I made a bunch of phone calls - calling apartments to set up viewings and doctors to set up appointments (and to try to get a prior authorization that was supposed to be dealt with a week ago), I paid all of our outstanding bills, and I had my first therapy session with my new therapist (and I got there early). I cleaned up the kitchen.

Typing it out like that, it doesn't seem like I actually did that much today - but I felt like I was constantly busy, and often doing more than one thing at a time. Added to the stress of calling (I hate talking on the phone) places, and I guess I can see why I'm feeling a bit run down.

All the same, I don't feel proud or happy about what I accomplished today. Rather, I feel unhappy that I didn't do more.

I was going to pick up dry cleaning and do our large loads of laundry (blankets, mostly) at a laundromat. I was going to clean the bedroom and my workroom. I was going to make a delicious primal-friendly dinner for Tene and I, and I was going to drive him out to San Francisco. I was going to end world hunger and achieve world peace, and win a Nobel prize to boot.

No, really, by the time I hung up the phone for the last time today, the idea of making dinner felt about the same as the idea that I could end world hunger. After doing some introspection I realized tell that I've been running low on my overall allotment of "spoons" lately, and I obviously used them all up. I had a number of stressful tasks to do today, and I didn't really let myself get a breather (exception: After seeing my new therapist I wandered around the city a little and found a little used bookstore - on the upside I left empty handed! On the downside, there are now more books on my to-read list. Also, I spent most of my time there worrying about other stuff that needed to get done), nor did I acknowledge what I did do.

So, I should feel happy, but I don't. I'm grumpy and I keep snapping. I also keep taking various things to be active criticisms or intentional slights. To me this means that I should go to sleep. So off to bed I go.